Maiden to Mama

My blog has been severely neglected over the past year. It turns out that getting pregnant and becoming a mom doesn’t leave a lot of time for writing, but now that I’m starting to get a handle on this parenting thing  (for today, anyways) I noticed I really missed writing and expressing myself creatively.

It’s hard some days to do much else than nurse my little bundle of joy. It’s been nice to spend the winter indoors, cozied up on the couch, watching  Netflix by day and hockey by night, but today I felt a call for more. I am feeling inspired to create again.

Pre-baby I had so many ways to express my creative energy on a daily basis. For fun I hooped, I danced, I taught classes and workshops, I created costumes and wrote blogs. At work, I flexed my creativity muscles all day long writing emails, newsletters and event invitations. It didn’t hit me until today just how much I missed being in that creative space where inspiration and ideas just flow out of me. One of my core desired feelings is flow, and while I feel like every day as a stay at home mom is all about going with the flow, I’ve missed the creative outlet of being in flow that my soul desires. Expressing that creativity is what helps me feel alive!

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Standing in the gateway, from maiden to mother

When I envisioned my 2017, I had a hard time being specific because I had no clue what it would be like to be a parent. My normal lofty goals for the year ahead were put aside and all I really wanted was to be able to become a parent while not completely losing myself. I wanted to maintain some form of self care. I wasn’t sure how I’d cope with having limited time for myself, but I’m doing pretty good I think, better than I thought to be honest. The time I do have for me is so special, even if it means writing this post on my phone at 1am while nursing my baby, or practicing yoga with a noisy baby in an untidy room and a husband clamouring away in the kitchen (making food and cleaning dishes so I’m not complaining at all!). Before baby,  I’d need to have complete silence and a clean setting to practice yoga at home, now I take what I can get and I’m completely ok with that. Life looks a little different but taking the time for me is that much more valuable since I can’t pour from an empty cup. So I guess this whole post is about me filling my cup so I can be there for my little Aurora Jade.

In one of my many pregnant freak out moments, I worried I wouldn’t know what I was doing when the baby arrived. I eventually realized that while I likely wouldn’t know what I was doing, I have spent years gathering all the skills and self awareness to help me be able to raise this tiny human the best I can. I didnt know exactly what I was preparing for when I invested in countless workshops and retreats, but everything I’ve learned up to this point has helped me get through these first few months as a mama. I’ve learned to trust myself, I’ve built up my confidence, I’ve developed strategies for coping with stress, I’ve learned to take care of my body physically and I’ve discovered what forms of self care are non negotiable. Without all this, I don’t think I’d be able to cope as a new mom. I’m so grateful for all the years of self discovery as a maiden.

It’s time to discover who I am as a mama. The moment I birthed my daughter, I birthed myself as a mother, but I’m just as much as an infant as Aurora and everything is new. Now I’m going to have to figure out who I am all over again, and I’m ready.

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Aurora and I, moments after birthing her into this world