I can’t believe it’s been 365 days since I set the intention to make 2013 my best year yet. Although 2013 has had its ups and downs, I’d say overall it was pretty awesome because I learned a lot and tried my best to enjoy the ride. I do feel like I set out to accomplish a lot this past year and ended up getting majorly derailed by forces beyond my control which sent me into one of the most difficult periods of my adult life. Because of that I didn’t do all the things on my list. I’ve been having a hard time feeling like I accomplished anything this year as I complete the “Closing 2013” section of my Amazing Life Workbook because I didn’t complete all the tangible goals I had set out for myself. The good news is, that when I look back on my Dec 31, 2012 blog about my intentions, I actually really did well at integrating them into my life. They weren’t just things I could do once and cross them off, they were about making long term changes in my life. I think that this means I’ve become more of the person I want to be and that is an accomplishment. A few accomplishments do stick out for me in 2013; a friend told me I inspired him to start playing the harmonica, I taught an 86 year old lady how to hoop and I feel like I created stronger relationships with friends and family. Way to go, me!
In 2013, I have actively practiced loving more and judging less as I realize what I judge in others, I’m judging in myself, what I accept in others, I accept in myself. I continue to nourish myself with healthy food, yoga, meditation and hooping. All acts of self love that fill me up so I can be ready for the next intention I set for myself in 2013.
I have shared and given back in different ways but most significant to me was by teaching hooping to teens with addiction abuse issues. They are attending a program I completed when I was a teen. It was an emotional experience going back and revisiting my youth, but it felt so good knowing that I could have an influence on their lives like the people who worked there had on my life.
I have had periods of living in flow this past year, I experienced serendipity and have learned many lessons about surrendering and releasing control. I have learned over and over again that when you surrender and let go, life just works itself out. I spent a lot of time worrying about how things will play out and realized when I just stopped worrying, life is much more enjoyable. I blogged about one of these flow experiences recently because it was such an incredible learning experience for me.
This year I gained a much deeper understanding of human being vs. human doing. I thought I just did too much and didn’t allow myself to chill. At the Sacred Circularities retreat I attended in Sedona, I discovered an imbalance of masculine and feminine within me and I think me doing all the time is the physical manifestation of that imbalance. I have gained much deeper awareness of what this means to me, but am still struggling with it. I’m still learning to be and to accept what has unfolded, knowing that I’m not going to get everything done and that is OK. I’m realizing that this life is not a race to the finish line and my success wont be measured by how many things I cross off my list. I think the lessons I learn are more important that the things I do and I intend to integrate this lesson more in 2014.
For 2014 I set the intention to come into balance. I see duality or polarity in my life, with my go-go-go attitude and then burn out as the opposite. I’d like to have balance so I can focus on my dreams but also want to be able to give myself space to just be. When I think of this I see a pendulum swinging really wide. In 2014, I envision it slowing down and coming closer to stillness. I feel that focusing on this intention will bring everything into my life that is supposed to be there. It will lead me to where I’m supposed to go and give me the lessons that I most need to learn to continue growing. I believe this intention will help me to know myself even more and to love myself even more which I see as the key to creating the best experience I possibly can for myself.
Oh, one more thing. In 2013 I didn’t end up doing a cartwheel. Not for lack of trying, I had numerous people trying to show me how to do it but for some reason I won’t just let myself go through with it. I get all caught up in the mechanics of what my body should be doing, the fear of falling and hurting myself and I just freeze. Kind of like a metaphor for my life I guess. I’m OK that I’m not quite ready for it yet and will lovingly keep working on it in 2014.
Much love and best wishes for the new year,